Running Low on Self-Confidence

Right now I don't like what I see when I look in the mirror. 

How do I change that? 

 It is not just the physical aspects of my reflection that I don't like, it is who I see within my reflection that is at the heart of my discontent.  I struggle with my weight, like lots of others do however it's the emotional baggage that I carry that I know I have to let go of in order to change the physical reflection.

Emotional baggage gets heavier the longer we carry it.  Mine feels like it weighs about the same as an elephant.  I have been carrying it around for so long I'm not sure how to let it go.

You see I have never had a whole lot of self confidence or self esteem.  It has been the most fragile part of me since I was young. 

I have always looked externally for validation of who I am and my value in this world.  I am not sure how I got here but the lack of self esteem has paralyzed me throughout most of my life and kept me from feeling comfortable in my own skin.  There have been times when I had it but it is a hard thing for me to hold on to.

Right not I'm not really sure how to get it back.  I feel like most times I am faking it and am just waiting for someone to catch on and call me out.  I'm not sure how I to get that confidence in myself that I need so that I can be everything I want to be and not what others think I should be.

How do you increase self-esteem?  Is it just not caring about what others think about you and making sure you alone feel good about who you are?  

Do people understand how truly fragile others can be and the impact of what they say and do on an individuals self-esteem?

I have allowed many people in my professional and personal life tear apart what little self confidence I have.  I need to rebuild it and learn to believe in that person that I see in the mirror.  Until that time comes I don't think that I can be truly happy or content in my personal or professional life. 

I am certain that I am not alone in this feeling and there have probably been many women (& men) that have faced this and conquered it.  I know that there is no magic pill or book or whatever that will give me the secret to being confident and happy - but I need to find a way to get there. 

I have to do this not only for myself but for my two beautiful daughters, so that they can have an example of what a strong, confident women is. Right now, they see a women who is breaking. 

I need to heal so that I can fulfill my potential as a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister and a friend and most importantly the woman that I want to be.